Attack Attack

June didn’t come to a close quietly. The end of Euphrasia’s fiscal year brought celebration and somber moments. My cough continued at full speed into July, leaving me tired and listless. Just as I escaped the chaos of Cebu, a fresh batch of eager, enthusiastically confused new PCTs entered the Philippines. July hit me like a brick wall; facing my successes of the last 11 months but also evaluating the deficits. I try with all my might to muster positivity with every labored breath. It’s time for payoffs and they’ve started rolling in. I don’t believe in fate or karma; all I know is hard work pays off.

After helping with yearly CPR (Child Progress Reports) and polishing off some CABRAD materials, my co-workers and I rose early to head to the island of Malapascua off the northeastern coast of Cebu. A four hour bus ride and 30 minute banka (pump boat) ride away. Malapascua, by far, takes the hat on the most beautiful tropical place I have visited. Not to say my experience in the tropics is extensive, but the clear, serene turquoise water dotted with smiling fisherfolk left my worries on the mainland. I carried my incessant cough with me but tried to muster all my strength the enjoy the view and relax. My coworkers and I had some tough, but ultimately inevitable, realities to face during our “break.” There will be a big change in our funding agency (ChildFund) which will, as I found out, result in complete staff turnover and our most dedicated volunteers leaving the organization. Come 2012, I may be the only sustainable part of Euphrasia. For now, I am continuing my work and doing so with the utmost dedication of my current, soon to be departed, co-workers. After the disheartening discussion, my cough turned me in for the night. I woke to the ocean calling my name. I sat by the mystical sea with wind in may hair and Keroauac and coffee at my fingertips. I can’t capture the beauty in a novice’s words or picture taking. The lack of development is what makes Malapascua’s  simplicity so appealing.

With co-workers Agnes & Marlene and daughter of Alma on our way to Malapascua

Perfect morning

beautiful

Nestor and I

Oh Malapascua

I headed home a day before my coworkers only to pack up for another ten day adventure. I ventured to Cavite, a province just south of Manila, to act as a resource volunteer to the incoming 61 PCTs. Set in a large glorified summer camp forest, it was prefect for the settling in PCTs. Myself, Blake, and Kate (PC BFFs) supported the incoming CYFers for IO/CBT (Initial Orientation/Center-based Training). Our “job” started from the time we woke until we hit the pillow again. Answering questions, facilitating, and planning went from breakfast to after dinner socializing. I knew the demand this position took from the beginning though. I wanted to make the transition of life in the Philippines as (un)smooth as mine was. I met so many motivated, idealistic fresh faces. Their passion reminded me of why I’m here and to pass on my acquired knowledge. I was able to spend quality time with my old TCF Jufer and CYF Manager Ambet. I am modest about any accomplishments, if not in denial, and they made me feel complete. The new “kids” make me feel old and also hopeful to know the good hearts continuing to serve the Philippines.

One of the lone pictures from IO/CBT, Kate in our room

As stated before, my body was telling my something in June. I met with multiple PC doctors in the course of IO/CBT and my “joke” was more or less confirmed. At the time the mystery frustrated me but the reality is now my demise. What was once a laughable notion has now taken over my lungs. Environmentally triggered asthma. Thanks third world urban exhaust. Won’t be forgetting this part of my PC experience. Since I’ve returned from Cavite, I can’t gauge whether my breathing is getting worse again or if I am just anxious and paranoid. I will continue working out and covering my mouth from the exhaust in order to strengthen my lungs. I can only hope this won’t be life long, at least just for third world urban living.

As IO/CBT came to a close, so did our (mine, Blake & Kate’s) capacity. For ten days we combed out the frustrations and formed a smooth dialogue. Then, we hit a wall. Physically sick from exhaustion, socially sick for over-stimulation, and emotionally sick from what struggles we needed to return to. We left each other at the airport with tearful hugs and “see you laters.” We left the alternate reality of focusing on our “successes” to facing the inevitable reality. Our progress has not come without sacrifice. We all hit a invisible wall. A wall telling us we have worked too hard and done all we can up until now. A wall telling us to face what is beyond and to prevail.

I arrived back to my office only to find the inevitable had happened, my counterpart resigned. I directly worked with her infrequently but Euphrasia will suffer without her dedication. EDC Is struggling to overcome the disconnect between an international NGO, national governance, and the reality of on-the-ground work. We will survive and continue serving disenfranchised children and youth. I am thankful for the passion and drive of my coworkers despite the upcoming dilemma.

My departed counterpart was supposed to be my co-facilitator for an upcoming HIV/AIDS Training of Trainers. I wish she could be there but other priorities called her to be elsewhere. A victory shot up just as I was feeling frustrated, Department of Health has pledged Php 60,000 ($1,400) for the venue, food, and accommodation for the Training of Trainers. The event has more than enough funding and may expand beyond the initially planned 30 participants. Blake will now be coming to co-facilitate with me. I am also planning to reach out to the Red Cross and Department of Health youth advocates to aid in facilitating activities and providing a Filipino perspective. There will be a lot to prepare for, but as a nation with an emerging increase in HIV positive individuals each year, education and advocacy needs to be done.

I am now nearing my first full year in the Philippines and have a difficult time reflecting on my progress. There is so much need and being around like-minded people does not make contrasting my progress any easier. Each day I find my purpose. I look for that eager poor child or kind elderly trike driver to raise my spirits. Filipino people are caring and generous despite different circumstances and standards than the western world. My work is essential. My motivation is needed. My compassion is appreciated. This will keep me going.