on my own

A quick move completed without any hiccups or delay. A small move, consisting only of three duffles and a few shopping bags. The unpacking was quick and after three trips to the mall my little dorm was starting to feel homey.  My large fridge only holds fruit, raw veggies, peanut butter, and chocolate (for desperate days). I bought a rice cooker so I can prepare brown rice and steamed vegetables to bring to work or eat for dinner. Others describe my new abode as a 1970s dorm with a reminiscent Florida feel.

My room. large desk on the left, shelving units and refrigerator on the right, and two large closets separating the CR (bathroom) 

The first weekend in my new place was certainly not a lonely one. Three girls stayed with me and a couple others were in town for a “girls weekend.” The first night included indulging in vegetarian pizza and a stop to a British pub, bringing nostalgia for my time spent in the big E in college. Another Filipina friend and American girl met us to dish about traveling, dating (or lack thereof), and life in the Philippines. The following day while I was at work the girls took advantage of the nearby, upscale mall to stock up on Starbucks, not-so-commonplace grocery items, and the like. I have so many luxuries at my fingertips, but my friends living more rurally remind me of what one typically imagines the “Peace Corps experience” to be. 

We noshed on pesto pasta and bruschetta before heading to a performance of “The Vagina Monologues.”  When I first saw this advertised in the mall, I thought it would be an intriguing and necessary event to attend from a sociological/anthropological stance and also from a personal one. This is also why my fellow PCV ladies fled to Cebu, to share in this experience. I was interested in seeing which monologues were chosen and the similarities/differences it presented in a conservative, gender-unequal society. The Filipina performers left me in awe of their unblemished acting skills and clear, proud words. A handful of monologues integrated the local language, Cebuano, which left the audience falling out or their seats laughing and truly understanding the content in the native tongue. The more solemn monologues brought serious global women’s issues into light; a fantastic mix of uninhibited humor and somber realities. Feeling liberated and full of “girl power” we headed out for a ladies night on the town. An odd stratification from working in a poor barangay by day and heading to a dance club by night. The next day was full of more bonding time and Thai food. If you haven’t noticed the trend yet, eating non-Filipino fare tends to be a focus of activities when PCVs gather.

The following few days I was in a bit of a funk for reasons which cannot be stated here. I had trouble focusing on my own projects so offered to help my counterpart with tedious sponsor-relations (SR) tasks to avoid being rendered useless. I could not hold up my tough, rigid wall over these couple of days, particularly in regards to street children. As my office is in the epicenter of activity and as I float in and out of impoverished barangays doing field work, I come across the poor of the poor daily. My empathizing can only go so far or I will be out of money and never made a dent in the homelessness problem. I built up a wall knowing if I let myself become emotional about every half naked crying child, my emotional capacity would be strained and I would not last as a volunteer. I am not going to change the economic status and wellbeing of the street population and need to stay focused on my sphere of influence, my work at Euphrasia. But, stepping over entire sleeping families and rejecting filthy, malnourished children holding out their little palm became ever more difficult over those couple of days. My heart sunk with each child jumping on the back of a jeepney singing quietly or playing drums made out of discarded plastic to make a few pesos. I became increasingly more discouraged after one pre-teen girl yelled profanities at me after I nudged her hand away from tickling me. How have I become so cold? I was not trying to be mean, but they perceive me as a rich American who should be able to dish out a peso or two. I try to cope with the poverty and feeling of helplessness every day and some are better than others.

An escape to Manila for a few days was just what I needed to rejuvenate after the slump. I was attending warden training, as I am responsible in times of emergencies for the volunteers in my province. Two other PC-related trainings took place just before and after mine, so the pension (hostel-like) and PC office were bustling with volunteers. I saw five out of my seven cluster-mates from training and plenty of unfamiliar faces I had not seen since orientation last August. Once again, the weekend revolved around food and friends, indulging in pizza, pasta, Wendy’s frosties, Persian cuisine, Mexican burritos, and gelato while sharing stories from site. Upon arrival and throughout my stay, I felt as though I was in an American metropolis with skyscrapers and so many amenities. My three nights in Manila lacked much site seeing as I will be back in March and April for trainings. Also, my cluster-mate and next closest volunteer in Cebu was in Manila due to a bike accident so I wanted to spend time with him as he waits in lieu of a shoulder surgery. The pension was just near the Manila bay so I walked along Roxas Boulevard at sunset and got lost a few times roaming the busy streets. The Mall of Asia was amazing and overwhelming. I am becoming more Pinay by the day--enjoying the mall culture. Visiting MOA felt more like a trip to Universal Studios with so many attractions and a mixed indoor-outdoor setup. I am thankful for being able to spend time in Manila on this trip and a few more to come. For my co-workers and beneficiaries, a trip to Manila would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience so I savored my opportunity (and many to come) and do not take it for granted.

delicious Chipotle-style burrito

Here’s to a productive week while I try to kick this cold I brought back with me from Manila. And cheers to the 50th Anniversary of the Peace Corps and events taking place around the world today!!

Manila Bay at sunset